ゆりの世界

For me it hasn't been any doubt that I would breastfeed my baby. My mom did it for all of us and it seems to be the natural and logical thing to do. It never occur to me that there's a second path - bottle feeding.

'Ammepolitiet'
Norway is a pro-breastfeeding country. So much that during my stay at the hospital 'ammepolitiet' often passed through my ears.
It's a combination of two words, breastfeeding and police, and was meant for the nurses at the maternity ward. For them there's no other alternative than breastfeeding.
They drown you in praise for pursuing the right path and make you feel like the worse mom in the world if you dare to show sign of going towards the bottle feeding direction.

The troubles
Having a tiny premature baby with jaundice who doesn't have the energy to suck, still I felt I would be a failure mom if I give up breastfeeding. So for a whole month I was breast feeding, pumping, feeding pumped milk in bottle and topping with formula feeding - day and night!
The little one gets feed every 2-3 hours but with all the pumping and sterilizing bottle in between, there wasn't much time for anything else but basic life sustaining activities (like eating, sleeping well you get the idea).

'Ammetåka'
...is again a Norwegian expression new to me. Builded up by the word breastfeeding and fog.
Ammetåka is in plain 'forgetfulness' or mind wandering during the first period of breastfeeding.
I didn''t think this would hit me. I mean I'm good at keeping track of things and have never lost it well until now.
But I do understand how this could happen. With strong focus on feeding and taking care of the little one, adding on sleepless nights and constant baby crying can make the most calm person go crazy and the sound mind goes dull.
It's nothing serious, just things like running through your memory over and over again for half an hour if you did feed medicin to the little one this morning or not or waking up in the morning panicking about forgeting to feed the little one when you in fact woke up 3 hours ago and fed him.

I'm crossing my fingers that those days is behind me and won't return. Now I do feel that I've got some routine in place and not to mention some good support from my superman.

The must haves
Forget about all the fancy stuff like breastfeeding cushion (got that but never use it yet), breastfeeding bras (never use it at home) and special breastfeedind clothes (tank tops works fine at home) what I cannot go without is the pads.
 
They keep your boobies and clothes dry and clean.  
They are available at supermarkets in this part of the world as well, it's just I consume an enormous amount of them and they would cost me a fortune if I didn't get them from the other side of the globe.

Did I peed myself?
I've red about how birth would start with labour pain and then the water would break.
Three weeks before due date, with last working day tomorrow, I was looking forward to three weeks of rest before the big day.
Then I felt something running. I certainly didn't feel like peeing or did I? It was too subtle to be the water breaking....or is it THE water?

Waiting at the hospital
After calling the hospital they wanted us to drop in for a check just to make sure that it wasn't. I was pretty sure that I've over reacted. Thinking they'll send me back home swiftly so didn't bring my birth bag.
At the hospital the nurse snifted my tiny (used) sanitary napkin and I was poked at, stucken by needle and squeezed. Finally after taking a sample they could confirm that my water broke.
- WHAT?!! I thought it would be more dramatic, like water forcefully pouring out or something. Just like in the movies. Or at least more than a few drops. They must have been mistaken.
But then, they are professional people so who am I to doubt them

So I was hooked on antibiotics and checked in.


24 hours passed and nothing happen except me getting bored of the hospital food and view.
So they started the induction.

The pain
It was evening so I sent my better half home and I went to sleep. Woke up a couple of hours later with mild stomach ache.
- Could this be labour pain?
Nah they said it will propably start in the morning so I went back to sleep.
The pain didn't stop. It got more and more intense.
Called on the midwife. Barely 2cm open she said, I should better go back to sleep.
I didn't agree. Called my guy and told him that he probably should come back to hospital.

The pain became unbearable after a couple of hours. Rang on the midwife.
At this time I've lost track of time. It felt like forever at the time but in my memory it could have just been an hour.
I was imagening myself surfing on big waves in a storming ocean. When that didn't help block out the pain anymore I start squeezing my fiances hand and when that wasn't useful anymore they rolled me into the labour room.
- WAIT! what about epidural? GIVE ME EPIDURAL, I scream. And everytime I asked for it, the midwife told me it wasn't time yet.
In the end I didn't get any.

The birth
4 cm. I was clinging desperately to the bed support.
6 cm. - I WANT TO DIE!!! I scream. If I can't have epidual, what else do you got?
So I got poked by needle AKA acupuncture. Nope didn't help.
- I know you want to push, but don't push yet. Said the midwife.
I tried not to but it was kind of impossible not to push. And short after I was told it was OK to push.

It feels like trying to squeese out a huge poop that got stucked.
- OK mr poop, it's you and me. I want you OOOOOOOUUUUUUT!!!!!
This bit felt like forever and suddently I felt a crack or something was tearing apart.
I felt such a relief and thought that was it! I'm done! When I heard the midwife and my fiance - The head is out. Keep pushing!
Oh, that was just the head. Another squeeze and I heard the most amazing sound. My baby screaming.
Another squeeze and the placenta was out. Finally I was done.

Exhausted
The next thing I know, there was this little creature, crawling on my belly, studying me with one eye open and the other half shutted.

It's half five in the early morning and we all have been awake the whole night.

I felt good. No more pain....or so I thought, until they told me to step off the bed for a shower and pee.

This blog has been inactive for awhile and it has its reason.
Life happened to me.
Most importantly, 2 lives came into mine.
Now it's time to pick up the blog where I left it.
Starting with the begining of a little life.